BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM IN JUST ONE WEEKEND - ARTICLE
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Esteem is a simple word. It is worth and value that  we apply to people, places, and situations.   It is the amount of respect
we assess.   We have esteem for our world leaders. We have esteem for places like church and synagogue.  We have
esteem for an exemplary performance whether it is in sports, acting, or simply doing the right thing.  But the most
important place we need to apply esteem is within ourselves.   We must maintain our self-esteem in order to place value
on ourselves as a worthy individual in the world.   Self-esteem can affect every single part of  our lives.  If that esteem is
low, our lives will be dull and gray. Elevating esteem for ourselves could very well be the key to happiness in life.  Most
people's feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate somewhat based on their daily experiences. The grade you
get on an exam, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on
your well-being.  Your own self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal "ups and downs"
associated with situational changes. For people with good basic self- esteem, normal "ups and downs" may lead to
temporary fluctuations in how they feel about  themselves, but only to a limited extent. In contrast, for people with poor
basic self- esteem, these "ups and downs" may make  all the difference in the world.  People with poor self-esteem often
rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external
experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them.  Even then,  the good feeling
(from a good grade, etc.) can be temporary.  Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately
(know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically
acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of  being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as
worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations.  What we want to do  is help you raise your self-esteem to levels
that will enhance your life and the way you view life.  It can make a tremendous difference in your quality of life.  Learning
techniques to raise self-esteem can be taught and put into practice in just a few days.   However, it will take practice to
keep your self-worth at the forefront.
                                     
 WHERE DOES OUR SELF-ESTEEM COME FROM ?
Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of  ourselves through  our experiences
with different people and activities. Experiences during our childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of  our
basic self-esteem.  When we were growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were treated by  the members of  
our immediate family, by  our teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and by our peers, all contributed to the creation of  
our basic self-esteem.  An adult who has healthy self-esteem was given this gift in childhood.  This could have been done
in many ways. Probably one of  the most important is being praised for accomplishments. Children who are talked to
respectfully and listened to also contributed to healthy self-esteem in adulthood.   These children were hugged often and
given attention and experienced some type of  success in school or sporting activities.  On the other side of  the
spectrum, we have to identify the childhood for those adults who have poor self-esteem. These children were often
criticized harshly, were yelled at or beaten, and were given little attention by  those  they were closest to.  They were
ridiculed and even teased as they experienced failures in their young lives.  They were made to feel they had to be
perfect  in order to be valued and associated failure in situations as a failure of  their whole selves. It’s sad, isn’t it?  To  
think of  a child treated that way. What’s even sadder is the effect that treatment has on their lives as adults.   We are
shaped and molded by our experiences.   Do  you recognize yourself?  How  we feel about  ourselves can influence how
we live our lives. People who feel that  they are likable and lovable (in other words people with good self-esteem) have
better relationships. They are more likely to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it. People
who believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems are  more likely to do  well in school. Having good self-esteem
allows you to accept yourself and live life to the fullest.  Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything we do. People with
high self-esteem do  better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers
and adults, feel happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with
something until they succeed. It takes some work, but it's a skill you'll have for life.
                                                           
WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM ?
Some people think that self-esteem means confidence - and of  course confidence comes into it - but it's rather more than
that. The fact is that there are any number of  apparently confident people who can do  marvelous things but who have
poor self-esteem. Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors and comedians and singers in particular
can seem to glow with assurance 'on stage', and yet off-stage many of  them  feel desperately insecure.  Indeed,
individuals can be stunningly attractive and world-famous, and seem poised and perfect  - yet still, deep down, find it hard
to value themselves. Think of  the late Princess of  Wales and  Marilyn Monroe and you'll accept, I think, that public
adulation is no guarantee of  self-belief.  So, if self-esteem isn't quite the same thing as confidence, what is it?  Well, the
word 'esteem' comes from a Latin word which means 'to estimate'. So, self-esteem is how you estimate yourself.
To  do  that you need to ask yourself certain questions:
•        Do  I like myself?
•        Do  I think I'm a good human being?
•        Am  I someone deserving of  love?
•        Do  I deserve happiness?
•        Do  I really feel - both in my  mind and deep in my  guts - that I'm an OK person?
People with low  self-esteem find it hard to answer 'yes' to these questions. Perhaps you are one of  them.  If you’re
reading this book, we think you are.  Don’t despair. The concept of  self-esteem can be summed up as: Confidence in our
ability to think and in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of  life and confidence in our right to be successful and
happy,  the feelings of  being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values and enjoy the
fruits of our efforts. We also commonly think that self-esteem is merely about how we feel about  ourselves at any
particular moment. While seemingly existing in degrees, we tend to believe that we have positive or negative self-esteem
and that we make that determination simply by  how we feel about  ourselves. However, our feelings or emotions do  not
exist alone or have an independent existence. We do  not just simply feel. Rather, for every feeling or emotion that we
have, either positive or negative, there is a corresponding thought that we have about ourselves that  generates the
experience of self-esteem.  Whether positive or negative, self-esteem is merely how our psyche experiences the thoughts
that we have about ourselves. If a person has positive thoughts about himself he will experience positive or good self-
esteem. On the other hand, if the individual has negative thoughts about whom he thinks he is then he will experience
poor or negative self-esteem. Therefore, to truly understand what self-esteem is all about  and more importantly to be
able to alter it when necessary for ones wellness or healing, we must first get it that self-esteem is really about our
thinking, and more specifically about the thoughts that we develop or create about ourselves. The thoughts  or beliefs
that  we have about ourselves are crucial in that  they determine or create the structure of  our experience of  self-esteem
and the various emotions associated with it.  We also tend to think of  our self-esteem as being something that is shaped
by the events that take place in our life, particularly those from our past. We tend to believe that who we think we are and
how we feel about  ourselves is merely the product, effect or caused by  the experiences that we have had in the past – it
says that we are who we are by virtue of  what has happened to us as human beings. More specifically, we tend to think
that the cause in the matter of  whom we think we are and our self-esteem is due to circumstance, situation or others,
people, places and things. We do  not tend to think that our self-esteem is something we actually developed or created.  
Our personal self-esteem is shaped by  our past and the experiences we have had in our lives.  We created our thoughts
and with it our emotions from the meaning that we gave to the events that took place in our life, especially at an early age.
We give meaning to everything in our life including and most importantly to ourselves. At an early age the meaning that
we give an event  tends  to be made  out to be all about us. While events do  happen it is not the events that are
important but rather the meaning that we give them  and especially how we made it out to be about our identity.  Living in
a state of  low  self esteem can be very damaging to the quality of  life you lead on a daily basis. Your self esteem is
YOUR opinion of  yourself, but far too many people allow others  to influence or even make up their opinion for them. It
sounds  so very silly, but if you think on this you will realize how certain events, comments and encounters helped to
"make or break" your self esteem.  Do  you recognize yourself in any of these statements?  Don’t feel alone. Actually, low  
self-esteem is actually quite a widespread problem.   And if you suffer from this problem, it can cause some more – even
serious – problems.
                                   
 Low self-esteem can have devastating consequences
•         It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression.
•         It can cause problems with friendships and relationships.
•         It can seriously impair academic and job  performance.
•         It can lead to underachievement and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.
Worst of  all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a
downward spiral of  lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive
behavior.  There are actually three “faces” that  people with low self-esteem wear.   See if you see yourself in any of  
these personalities.
The Impostor: acts  happy and successful, but is really terrified of  failure. The imposter lives with the constant fear that
she or he will be "found out." They need continuous successes to maintain the mask of  positive self-esteem, which may
lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.
The Rebel: acts like the opinions or good will of  others  - especially people who are important or powerful - don't matter.
The rebel lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough."  They continuously need to prove that others'
judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or
fighting authority.
The Loser: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. The loser uses
self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. They look  constantly
to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and
excessive reliance on others  in relationships.

So  what does a person with healthy self-esteem look like?  These people exhibit the following qualities. Unfortunately we
have run out of space in this article.  To continue and find out more we would highly recommend further reading the
e-Book shown below called "BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM IN ONE WEEKEND ".  It contains very detailed information we all
need to know about "Self Esteem" and at the same time understanding what it is, if you have it, or how to get it..

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